Jordan Myska Allen: A conversation with himself

[Jordan Myska Allen]

A: What are you Jordan?
J: I don't know what I am, and my opinion changes from moment to moment.
A: Does that mean you are different at each second, in each instance?
J: In some ways, yes, but surely there is something that stays the same? You call me Jordan, after all.
A: Yes, for convenience, but even the elements of your physical form are replaced by new ones over the years - cut your fingernails and new ones grow in. Even our blood cells are replaced every few years.
J: Well what about you, where do you get your ideas about what you are?

A: I try to go to different religions to find an answer. Often, by combining what I see as underlying truths in the beliefs of Christianity and Buddhism (the two traditions I know the most about), I can find an answer that satisfies me, at least for the moment. I also like to toss in a smidgeon of Taoism and Judaism, and spice it up with a pinch of Hinduism. I guess people call this perennial philosophy, or Unitarian Universalism. I'm calling it cooking!

J: So tell me about the "what am I?" dish.
A: Well, in many schools of Buddhism there is this idea of "no-soul" - we are just a collection of five aggregates: physical form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness. Attaching meaning to this conglomeration of transitory parts is not only ignorant, it is the root of suffering and exactly what keeps us from enlightenment. Here's where it gets tricky though -
J: Because what exactly, then, becomes enlightened? There is no self to be enlightened, so what realizes the true nature of reality?
A: And what accrues karma, and participates in the cycle of death and rebirth?

A: So that got me thinking about ego, psychology, and the Hindu idea of Atman. We are all just waves (transitory, like the aggregates) on the ocean of consciousness, and existence. Our fallacy is believing that we are separate individuals, when in reality we are all water. We seem unique, but just like each wave may contain different fish or plants or chemicals at certain times, in reality we are one.

J: Hmmm . . . still, what becomes enlightened?
A: So perhaps what gets enlightened is the ocean itself, one wave at a time. It's like when we wake up in the morning and we're a little groggy - we stretch and trip a little as we get out of bed because our legs haven't quite woken up yet. We accidently grab orange juice instead of milk because our mind isn't fully awake. We as "individuals" are like body parts just waking up. And the more parts or waves or individuals awaken, the easier it is for the rest of them to awaken and thereby "awaken" the whole organism - the ocean, the person, or in our case the universe itself.

J: Cool. So I'm a wave. But what about death, and why do these waves or different body parts have individual awareness in the first place? Why do we have these egotistical attachments to a false notion of ourselves?
A: I still don't know, but I know that they are there. I know that (wait, who am I that is talking!) I usually refer to myself, Allen, in the first person, and I react to the world with this understanding. And I find it very difficult to let go of wanting to be recognized for my achievements and contributions (did you know I started Big Talk?). I find it very difficult to let go of my ego, or expand it to the point where it doesn't matter whether I get recognition.
J: That is where I see the parallels in Christianity. You do it all for God, not for yourself, because ultimately it's all Him anyway. And that's very difficult to do because our conception of ourselves is usually as an autonomous agent, and we don't like to let go of our power and give it up to God.
A: So do you believe in a soul then? In this particular case, I'm having a hard time pulling in Christian thought. I feel like I'm really just interpreting Christianity to make it fit with what seems like a more advanced philosophy from Eastern thought.

J: It's interesting that you bring up Eastern and Western thought - because it's important to note that a lot of our "Christian" thoughts, especially about the soul, are derived from early church fathers like Origen, Augustine, and later Thomas Aquinas, who were all influenced greatly by Greek philosophy in addition to Paul's letters and Hebrew Bible. I think we must have something that existed before birth and something that continues after death. Although in other writings on death I've stated that I don't think it matters when it comes to the way to live our lives, I do believe that there is something that some part of me experiences after bodily death.
A: What do you mean some part of you?
J: Something that is at once connected more deeply to God that is all of us, while simultaneously individual. Something that is also in a constant state of flux, that grows and replenishes itself like our bodies, but connects to everyone else in a way that is not physical. It would have to be a way outside of time and space, outside of our current scientific understanding of the world.
A: You might call it the spiritual connection between us all.
J: You might indeed.

A: And maybe that's where my resolution comes in. I am an individual in the sense that I am a piece of some greater whole. My true nature is defined by this paradox.
J: Hmmm.

[Samsara]

Great Post! I definitely think it is important to understand how connected we are as humans to everyone/everything else. I wonder how the idea of the self goes beyond humans... Also, some stream of consciousness thoughts: it might be interesting to have a discussion on the self as it relates to animals/nature, is nature integral to the notion of enlightenment beyond just contributing to human existence? Does is nature have innate value or is its value found in how humans (ab)use it? The whole idea of anthropocentrism. What are the roles and responsibilities of humans with regards to nature. Also, some sects of Buddhism claim that human males are the highest form of life and therefore are the only ones capable of achieving enlightenment, where women and animals are working off their karma until they are reincarnated as males... How does this coincide or contradict nature as innately valuable? On a slightly different note what role does consciousness have in connecting or disconnecting us from nature and animals. More specifically how and why are we conscious and what does this seemingly unique characteristic of acknowledging that we are conscious imply about the interconnectedness of life. Is it possible that humans are merely a vessel for consciousness? If we think of something living as existing could we view ideas themselves as living organisms? How would these function within the mind/body split or connection. Just thought these were some interesting questions to contemplate and hope the can be used to spur some discussion. Just want to reiterate that BigTalk is an awesome Forum that I think more people should take advantage of as humans try to continue making sense of this awesome life/world/universe...